Do you remember that day, way back when you were a little kid... no, not the one when the priest told you to "shake hands with the little bishop" and to "slap him hard if he spits on you." I mean that day when the family dog got loose, and disappeared for like five hours. Your mom was busy cleaning the house, and told you to go out and look for him, because your little sister was crying.

You would walk through the neighborhood, calling Rover's name, and every once in a while, a neighbor who was out washing a car or trimming the hedges would ask why you were shouting. You would tell him or her that your mom sent you out to find Rover, the beloved family dog that escaped when your stupid sister left the screen door open. And your neighbor would say, my, isn't that nice, and boy, you look tired. Would you like to come in for a glass of lemonade and a back rub? And you would say no, thank you, I really have to look for my dog. Your neighbor would say s/he understood, and wish you good luck.

As you continued to walk through the neighborhood, your voice would start to get hoarse, and you would wonder if the dog had really run this far from the house. And gosh, was it a hot day. Your friends were out playing in the swimming pool, and you were searching for that stupid dog. After maybe two hours of searching, you would walk back home, to find that Rover was already there, having shown up at the screen door about fifteen minutes after you left to look for him. And he was dirty. Rover looked like he had been rolling around in the dirt for three days. Rover looked like a Serbian refugee. You wondered how, in the course of a couple hours, a dog could get so dirty? And you would wonder why a dog would want to get dirty? And then you cursed him, because you knew now you would have to give him a bath, instead of going swimming with your friends.

Do you remember that day? Didn't that piss you off?

Well, this morning when I came down to get in my car and go to work, my car looked like it had escaped and gone rolling in the dirt while I slept. Leaves, sand, big hunks of dirt and tree bark were all over it.

Apparently, the lawn crew thought that it would be OK to blow all the debris from the entire parking lot onto my car. I love American workers.

OK, I amend that. I love Mexican workers.</font>

Tags: car, humor, rants
hey little fella, how are you doing today?: aggravated
soundtrack: Evanescence- "My Immortal" (which kind of sucks)