It's Super Bowl Monday, a day that almost certainly should be established as a national holiday. There's no excuse for having a Columbus Day, which celebrates an event which precipitated the enslavement and genocide of the indigenous people of the Americas, without a balancing holiday. I propose a secular holiday that celebrates not only individual and group achievements that form the basis for the Super Bowl's near-universal appeal, but also the hyper-consumerism that typifies our culture as a whole. The time has come, in my mind, to formalize the post-Super Bowl hangover with a day of rest, not only to mourn for another season of football and life gone by, but also to lament the prodigious amount of alcohol and food consumed over the previous week.

In addition, this new holiday would serve as a day of self-reverential joy for an entire nation who have brought upon the world a commercial juggernaut that surpasses every other single-day event in this country except the birth of Christ. In fact, the Super Bowl is celebrated by nearly three quarters as many people nationwide as the birth of Jesus. Why shouldn't we get a day off of work, to recover and reflect on the amount of time and money we spend, and that corporations spend on getting our attention in one orgiastic weekend of commercial excess?

Let's celebrate ourselves. Isn't that the American Way now?

Tags: football, humor, pop culture
hey little fella, how are you doing today?: tired but whimsical
soundtrack: BB King and Eric Clapton- Rock Me Baby